– January 15, 2012


By: Carol Clemans

To recover from divorce, there are emotional issues that must be faced. Many people do not take the time to recover from divorce before they start moving forward looking for another mate when the divorce papers have not even cooled down. There are spiritual and emotional aspects of your life you must process before moving on. On the spiritual realm, you need to counsel with your pastor. The thought of a remarriage needs to be considered by the truth of God’s Word regarding the circumstances of your divorce. But the emotional recovery is your responsibility to process.

You are not a failure. Your relationship failed, not you. God’s intent for marriage was for two to become one. This oneness has a much larger definition than coming together physically. If both spouses were helping each other become all he and she could be, there would not be a break down in the relationship. The relationship fails when selfishness starts taking a foothold. There needs to be an honest evaluation of the role you may have played in the breakdown of the marriage. No one is perfect. So as you set back and assess how the relationship deteriorated, be honest with yourself and look introspectively at signs you may have ignored that were a problem that you could have encouraged your spouse to work with you to improve. This is taking ownership of your actions. It’s also allowing your ex-spouse to take ownership of his/her actions from your perception. You want to learn from this life experience and not repeat it in the future.

Forgiveness is an act of obedience to God and a gift to self. Forgiving self as well as forgiving your ex-spouse is a major step in your healing process. Forgiveness is not based on whether someone repents and asks for your forgiveness for the pain they caused you. Forgiveness is a decision that you make to set yourself free from the pain of the past. God is our avenger. Turn the sin of that person over to God. Only God can forgive the sin if the offender repents and seeks forgiveness.

In the process of recovery and healing from divorce, take care of yourself. Do something enjoyable just for you. Many single parents give, give and give to their children. They may sacrifice helping aging parents, etc. If it’s as small as taking time to rest in a lounge chair and read a book or get a professional massage, etc. Trade childcare with another single parent and take a day off just for self. This is another way to care for one self and return the same gift to someone else.

Take this opportunity to move forward with you life. What goals and dreams have you put on hold in your life? Now is the time you could take a college course via the Internet working toward a degree you desire. You could write a book about your experience and what you have learned that may be a blessing to others. As you move forward, keep God the center of every aspect of your life. Please do not search for a new spouse on the Internet. I’ve seen great heartache from this source. Seek God’s wisdom, provision and guidance for your future in victory.

Carol Clemans is a Certified Pastoral Counselor/Christian Life Coach/inspirational Bible teacher for churches/conferences. She provides counseling nationwide by phone & web cam (636) 448-0121. Carol loves teaching from God’s Word to help others grow spiritually, emotionally & relationally. Go to: for her bio, over 100 articles posted, order CD’s & new book: GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE. Email: Rev. Harold & Carol Clemans attend Pastor Dieter Skowron’s church in Johnstown, CO.