Spiritual Healing


Wives, please wake up!

A few years ago a pastor’s wife called me anonymously in tears. Her husband had been addicted to pornography for 12 years.  They had children who were pre-teen and knew something was wrong. Her husband was verbally abusive to her. She said, “I almost hate him for what he has done.”  People were leaving their church.  She was calling for help.  My first response was that she needed to tell his ministry supervisor what was going on.

Unfortunately, she had called one of their close friends (who was a pastor) for help and he put her off and told her not to tell anyone (he had the problem himself) and she just needed to be supportive to her husband! She was fearful of losing the church and their lifestyle if she exposed her husband’s addiction. I pointed out to her that their world was already falling apart and she admitted it was true. (Be sure your sins will find you out.)

I recommended that she contact another trusted leader and verify my counsel to her.  I don’t know what she did, but she is one of approximately 60% of American pastors’ wives who are dealing with the same problem.

Experts say that pornography addiction is the most destructive addiction. This addiction is a self-induced chemical high that happens as a person views porn and acts out the fantasy. This addiction is never satisfied.  Porn degrades and devalues women making them objects instead of real people. No wife can compete with porn no matter how beautiful.

Wife, please do not cover for your husband.  He needs help! Don’t allow him to blame you for his addiction! Tell his ministerial superior. Don’t stop until you are believed.  Help is available. The American Association of Christian Counselors (www.aacc.net) has a DVD counseling course on SEXUAL ADDICTION RECOVERY. I’m a graduate of this program and recommend it to all pastors for their churches.

For recovery, their needs to be genuine repentance, accountability and willingness to be self-disciplined. Read BREAKING FREE Understanding Sexual Addiction & the Healing Power of Jesus by Russell Willingham. Use www.pureintimacy.org promoted by Focus on the Family. I have counseled people successfully who are determined to be Holy and He is Holy.

Note: Call Carol Clemans (636) 448-0121 for seminars or counseling. Pastors Dan Batchelor & Todd Gaddy are on her Bd. of  Dir. of Life Enrichment Ministries, Inc. (501c3). Go to www.carolclemans.org for her bio and teaching CD’s.

© Carol Clemans – April 2009